Top 10 Reasons Not to Quit Smoking

1. You like spending an average of $1,000 on cigarettes a year. Why visit an exotic place or buy your kid a new pair of sneakers when you can inhale the tobacco from more than 6,000 cigarettes?
2. You love when your fingers look like you dipped them in spent nuclear fuel. That dark yellow/orange crust on your fingertips saves you from having to put on make-up during Halloween.
3. Choosing a mate is far more easier. You can shove aside all the bars and restaurants for non-smokers. Health clubs, gyms and spas too. See? Life suddenly got a lot more easier.
4. Smokers have more money. You don't have to spend a single dime on perfume or deodorant. You like reeking of cigarette smoke.
5. Smokers look better. This one is true - nicotine dumbs your hunger center in your brain, so you don't have to worry about gaining weight. Less food for your body - great shape - more money in your pocket - more success with the opposite sex. One thing leads to another. Just remember not to stop smoking, because you'll become a ball of lard if you do that - food is just too tempting a replacement for cigarettes. Hell, you may even begin to have problems with your heart, because of too much fat.
6. Cigarettes are still considered to be the best gadget around. Who looks mondo cool - a kid with an iPod or a cool kid with a smoke hanging from his lips? Howdy, pardner.
7. Smokers get more exercice. When you need a cigarette badly and there are none to be found at your place (you smoked them all, remember), you will go outside and seek those divine tobacco sticks, no matter what time of day or night it might be. Walking is a healthy exercice. If you happen to leave on an isolated spot, you may even get into your car and cross an even greater distance and feel even better.
8. If you smoke, you look better than Chuck Norris. Chuck doesn't smoke, he is stuck in a vicious circle of trying to look cool with roundhouse kicks, while he could just buy a nice pack of cigarettes and put an end to his sorry attempts at cool. Poor Chuck.
9. Smoking couples have a more lasting and satisfying marriage. Nicotine is a powerful bond. After having great sex with your loved one, you will certainly light a cigarette. This is a really, really good thing to do because it makes a strong link in your subconscious mind between an orgasm and a cigarette. This is also called investing in a safe future. If your significant other ever dies of lung cancer, you can always masturbate and smoke a cigarette afterwards, felling exactly the same as you would if you just had sex with your loved one.
   
10. Hitler was a non-smoker. You still want to quit smoking?